So as I am coming to the end of my personal study of Isaiah, I have looked back at how much it has changed me. In the very begining, Isaiah was very humble and felt unworthy to serve the Lord. But God cleansed him, then said the following
”Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?” Then I (Isaiah) said, “Here [am] I! Send me.”
It was then that I realized it was my time too. To totally surrender and ask God what it was that He wanted for me and asked how I could best serve Him and His kingdom. Well after a few days of intense praying and drowning myself in His word, I got the answer I was looking for.
Long story short, He was leading me to Christian Counseling (which at first I thought He meant I needed it, but then I quickly realized, it was the other way around) and I did not feel like I was the best person for that, but He kept pushing me towards it. Well, one of my personal memory verses for that week was Prov 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”
{{Just a little background info about my personal memory verses, each week I write down two-three verses to really meditate on daily, and memorize. Usually they are verses that really apply to my life at that certain time, and that verse definitely suit the bill for that week! }}
So anyways, I was sitting in church that Sunday morning and pulled out my Bible verses. Well when I got down to that one, something was different. It wasn’t me saying it…
As I was sitting in church, waiting for it to start, God said to me “Trust in ME with all your heart, and lean not on YOUR OWN understanding, lean on mine. I will guide you and help you through this journey”
Seriously, I wish someone had seen my face when this happened. I immediately grabbed my notebook and started scribbling. My hand was shaking so bad, I just couldn’t get it written down.
The reason He had to say this to me was because, well, I tried to tell myself I was not able to do it. Like I said earlier, I was in the middle of doing my own personal study of Isaiah. Most of the time I was super confused, and there were wars with enemies, and allies, and fighting and God’s wrath, then peace and it was really overwhelming at times. Well in the midst of this, I felt God was leading me to drop my sociology degree and start on my Religion degree here at CSU. But I was like “God, how can I do that? I BARELY understand this ONE book of the Bible, how am I supposed to figure out and understand the whole thing. I just can’t do it, it will be too much. I just don’t understand it all.” Those were my exact words (taken from a journal entry I wrote during those days of intense prayer and such.” Well it was the day after that note/letter was written that God said that verse to me, the very same verse that I had been memorizing and meditating on all week, but was now seeing it in a whole new light.
It was like God was saying, ”Tiffany, you’re right. You cannot do it…ON YOUR OWN. But with MY help, you can. Lean on me, and I will give you the ability to understand and do great things.” Yeah, God wanting to do great things with ME. Of all people. I was just so in awe I just didn’t know how to respond.
So once I got my mind wrapped around the whole thing, I applied to CSU and got accepted in a matter of days. Then was given a super big scholarship from the school it self. I asked God to open the door to help me get accepted (since the last day to register had passed) and it was like He knocked the whole door and wall down with it! It only confirmed what I knew in my heart what God wanted from me. When God something for you, He can and will do anything to make it possible!
Now fast forward to this morning. As I was getting ready for work, I just broke down. Tears streamed down my face as I realized, God had called me to this a long time ago, and I JUST TODAY realized it. God had used me before to help someone and showed me at a very young age just exactly what He wanted from me. And I only today was able to put the pieces together…
Rewind about ten years ago. My parents went through a divorce. It was hard on my sister and I, and I had to go through counseling and all that jazz. During that time, I became really close to my guidance counselor, Mrs. Hartnett (haha yes, that’s right, Mrs. Hartnett, no relation tho). Once they felt I was good, I no longer had to attend counseling. Well about a year a half maybe (I’m not sure as to the exact amount of time, because I was young and we all know kids have no perception of time lol, but I know this all happened b/w grades 3-5) so I think I was in 4th grade by this point, and my guidance counselor called me in again. I was confused, because I was doing fine and didn’t understand why she called me in (though I was happy I got out of science class! ;) ) but anyway, come to find out, it wasn’t I that needed counseling, but another girl, about my age.
Her parents were going through a pretty bad divorce (much worse than my situation was) but refused to talk to anyone, even the guidance counselor, but she agreed she would talk to another student, and my guidance counselor called me in and asked me if I would be willing to do it. I was happy to help (and probably even more happy to get out of class once a week lol) so I agreed. And for a few months, we met once or twice a week in guidance, and just talked about things and how we dealt with situations and such as my counselor just kinda supervised, but for the most part, let her and I do most the talking.
Who knew that what He was using me for then, was the same thing He would lead me to do again, for His glory, and to help His Kingdom. It was not until today I connected all of the pieces together. I guess I just never really tried to figure it out until now.
I guess that is all I wanted to share. In case anyone was wondering why I changed my major and such. It was simply because I asked God what He wanted me to do, and this is what He has called me to do.
And I am really excited to see where this is going to take me. I know God has great plans for me, and I know it is not going to be easy, but I know it will be worth it!
So God, here I am. Send me to do Your will, use me as You will. I am ready to lay down my life, pick up the cross, and follow You, whevever you may lead me…
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD [is] upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to [them that are] bound…” Isaiah 61:1
(8.6.12)
No comments:
Post a Comment