Insecurities

I have really been thinking a lot lately.  About the battles I've gone through over the years.  Probably my biggest battle has been and is insecurity.  Or making the mistake of putting my "security" in things that would only make me more insecure in the end.

Relationships, good grades, and most other things in life will come and go.  And putting our security in those things/people, will only make matters worse.  It will cause our insecurity to grow greater with each let down.

The one thing that we can put our security in is with Jesus.  He will never leave us, nor forsake us.  He will not disappoint us.  His love is the one thing that will remain throughout all circumstances.

The first part in battling insecurity is acknowledging the presence of insecurity. In order to fight it, you must first recognize it.

Secondly, you must refute whatever it is that it is telling you.  Do not let insecurity fill your mind.  It will try and sneak lies and assumptions into your head that will literally drive you mad.  Insecurity will cause you to do some things you would otherwise never consider doing.  Trust me, I have been there.

Instead, fill your mind with positive thoughts.  With the TRUTH!  Fill it with scripture, or pray, do what you need to in order to clear your mind of whatever insecurity is trying to tell you.

It's a battle, and it's not an easy one.  It is so easy to just give in and let security take over, but you are so much better off fighting it now, before it gets more out of hand.  YOU are more than your insecurity.  

God wants us to be secure! And we can be secure if we choose to be.  By putting our hope, our trust and our security in Him, we can have the security He wants for us.

When I began this journal entry, I didn't plan on making a chart on how to battle security, but that's what it resulted in.  So I want to leave you with some verses that may help encourage you, as well as myself, to attain the security Christ intended us to have through Him. 

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil" ~Hebrews 6:19

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." ~Psalm 18:2 

"The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; he is their stronghold in time of trouble" ~Psalm 37:39

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea." ~Psalm 46:1-2

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. " ~Isaiah 54:10

And I'll leave you with my favorite. Its John 14:17, Jesus says this Himself: 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Vision Onto Canvas

Last week I was feeling very overwhelmed and stressed.  I was dealing with the stress of school, paying for college textbooks, and other things. I was just in a funk for almost a week straight.  Well that Sunday I went to church and near the end of service, Pastor called for prayer time, and as I began to pray, God gave me this vision.

It was me and Jesus. I was trying to talk to Him and explain to Him everything I was feeling and going through.  But no words could come out of my mouth.  All I could do was just lay down and cry.  As I cried in His lap, He stroked my hair. Though I didn't hear Him say anything.  It was as if He was speaking to my soul, saying "Everything will be okay my dear child. Everything will be okay..."

And I couldn't get this image out of my mind.  I decided I wanted to try my hardest to convey this powerful image onto a canvas, so I took the challenge and this is what I came up with.  In no way does it give the actual image any justice, but it was the best I can do.

Remember, any time you need to talk to God, and can't find the words, sometimes the best you can do is just cry to Him. The Holy Spirit will intercede for us (Romans 8:26).

Also remember Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

21 Acts of Kindness

A few months back I stumbled upon a blog on Pinterest about a woman who celebrated her birthday by doing an act of kindness for each year since the year of her birth.

Well today I turned 21 and decided that I was going to do the same thing! And boy am I glad I did! I could not have came up with a better way to spend my day! Not only was it nice bonding time for my mother and I, but it was also great to see people's reaction to the whole idea. Most of them costed little to no money since I am a broke college student ;)

I'm hoping that these photos and stories will inspire you to do the same, not just on your birthday, but to incorporate acts of kindness in your everyday life :D

Here is a list for some ideas (as well as a few pictures along the way)

1) I place encouraging sticky notes all in my mom's car for her to find when we went to church this morning!

2) I gave money to one of the kids at church to put into the Penny March

3-6) I donated 4 Bibles to the local pregnancy crisis center here in Charleston. It was something the Christian Book Store was doing for the month of December and I decided to donate 4 of them :D It was one of the pricier things on the list, but totally worth it!

7) I got some balloons blown up to give to little kids. They loved them! As soon as I walked out of the store there was a little girl who was admiring my balloons and she was so thrilled when I offered her one! 

8) I got a couple's tray of food for them at Taco Bell (who absolutely loved the idea)

9)  Donated some change to the SPCA

10) I donated some old things and clothes to the local Good Will Store

11) The lady leaving Wal-Mart in front of us dropped something, so I picked it up and handed it back to her.

12) I put of some shopping buggys for people at Wal-Mart

13) I donated/recycled some of my old glasses frames to Wal-Mart's eye center to help people who can't afford frames. (Since I have been wearing glasses since 3rd grade, I have racked up about 6 pairs over the years and I keep saying "I'm going to donate them someday" and today I finally did it lol)

14) Placed a letter in the mail box for the mail man/lady (with some chocolate, because, who doesn't love chocolate ;)

15) Gave a note of appreciation to one of the workers at the mall. They really do go unappreciated and always look so down, so I gave them a note and told them thank you for what you do! 

16) I hid sticky notes in books at Books A Million. Most my notes went into books talking about break ups and how to get through them. Since I endured a rough break up and read a few books on the subject myself,  I wanted to encourage others since I know what they are going through and know they need it most because it was close to my heart. This new year I am praying God will use my experiences to help others, and this was my first step in doing so!

17) Taped quarters to a sticky note and placed it on a vending machine at the mall

18) Left pennies on the floor with a note that said "Have a blessed day, Jesus loves you!"

19) Left some more encouraging notes in random pockets of clothes at the mall

20) My mom and I left a few more quarters in a few bubble gum machines at the mall I gave a young boy a quarter to buy some Mike N Ikes when I saw his momma fishing for change. He was so cute. After he got his Mike N Ikes, he offered my mom and I some! My heart just melted <3 Even a little three your old understands the importance of random acts of kindness.

21) I gave a three year old boy a quarter to buy some Mike N Ikes when I saw his momma fishing for change. He was so cute. After he got his Mike N Ikes, he offered my mom and I some! My heart just melted <3 Even a little three your old understands the importance of random acts of kindness and wanted to return the favor.

************

Like I said before, I thoroughly enjoyed my birthday! It was definitely one of the most memorable birthdays thus far! I thank God for all the opportunities that came up and I really hope this has inspired someone to try and incorporate random acts of kindness, not only in their birthday, but your everyday life as well.

Take care, and God bless!

~Tiffany <3

Living Testimony of Psalm 147:3

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds" Psalm 147:3

When my heart was shattered earlier this year, I was left with this verse, a broken heart, and hope. Hope that these words could possibly become true for me...

Well I have realized tonight that I am a living testimony to those words.

I did not think that I would ever heal from those scars.  After my broken engagement, I was crushed. I thought I would never love again.  I thought I would be one of those girls who would never move on and would keep holding out hoping that he would come to his senses. But by the grace of God, I finally let him go (in my heart) about a month ago.  

Today I found out that he is seeing another girl.  Instead of feeling betrayed, hurt, sad, depressed, all the emotions I am sure I would have felt had I not let go of him in my heart already, instead, I was filled with ... I'm really not sure to be honest.

I am not mad at him.  Nor am I mad at the girl.  But I felt compassion for her.  She looks considerably younger than me, and I just pray that he doesn't do to her what he did to me.  That was my first reaction was to pray for her. 

Had this happened two months ago, I don't know what I would have done or how I would have reacted...

But it doesn't matter, because God healed me. He healed my broken heart. He bound up my wounds.  I can move on, I can press forward because of the great things He has done in me.

I can look ahead and know that God has a plan for me.  He never left me that whole time, even when I felt so far from Him, He was there the whole time.  I also know that He was with me tonight as I finally got rid of all things associated with that guy.

I cannot thank God enough.  Looking back at my journey the past year, I know I have had some dark moments.  But all I can say is I thank God for them.  I thank Him for taking me through those trials and making me a stronger person.  But most importantly, I am thankful for the journey because it has brought me so much closer to Him. 

Never in my life have I ever been as close to God as I am now.  I finally feel I am on the right track with God and I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me.

Like I said earlier, I thought I would never love again, but I was wrong.  I have fallen in love again.  And I fall more in love every day.  I don't know what I would do without Him in my life, but thankfully I will never have to worry about that, because He has already promised me "Never will I leave you or forsake you..."

Thank you Jesus. Thank you...

No, Mom, I'm not okay...

On the car ride home from grandma Emily's mom kept asking me if I was okay in which I replied my usual "I'm fine". But I think we both know its a lie. 

Of course I'm not fine. I hate this place. Living in this house is so physically, emotionally, and psychologically draining. As soon as I step thru the door I can literally feel the joy and happiness in life just get sucked up. Gone like a leaf in this wind. 

I can't stand it. I don't even feel safe in my own home. I need to find a safe haven somewhere else. Anywhere else but here. 

It's almost like there's some kind of dark spirit that dwells in this house. I don't blame Brittany for getting out of it. As much as I miss her, I hope she doesn't come back. She shouldn't have to deal with the darkness in this house. 

And it's like mom is completely naive to it. Or she's just too tired to care anymore. She's had all the life sucked out of her as well it seems.

I'm not saying that her husband is some evil spirit, but I know his presence in this household doesn't help push it out that's for sure. If anything it's almost like he invited it in. 
I shouldn't fear for my own safety in my own home. And it's not the outsiders breaking in I'm afraid of. Heck I could probably handle that. It's what's on the inside I'm afraid of. The darkness is what I fear.  As well as her husband.  I will not allow myself to be alone in the house with him. Because I fear for y life. He has attacked my sister an mother on multiple occasions. Who's to say he won't do it to me?

I have been living here in this house for 18 years. He only eight. How is it that I'm the one who has to leave all the time? It's not fair. 
And mom doesn't seem to care. It's like she's just given up. She rather live a life of complacency, though I would hardly call it that, just so she won't have to live alone. 
I'd rather live alone with some life to me than in a house filled with soul sucking spirits. 

So the answer to your question mom is no, I'm not okay.... 

Dear God,

You know my situation. You have put me here for a reason, but what that reason is, I don't know. Please help give me the strength. My mother has already given up, and I'm almost to that point too. I know that darkness in this house is strong, but I also know that there is NO darkness that can compare to your Light, God. For Your light shines through all darkness. 

Please let your light shine through me.  Please give me the strength to fight this darkness. I cannot do it alone, but I know with You on my side, I am garunteed victory. Help me win back my house.  Help me to fight for peace in our house. We cannot live with this darkness anymore.

I claim victory in Your name Jesus,

Amen

Don't Give Up When Satan Wins a Battle

You know when you work so hard for something (Whether its making good grades, avoiding an addiction, whatever your battle is) And then in one moment of weakness, all of the hard work is gone, down the drain.  One decision can bring you all the way to square one.  Sometimes meaning starting your countdown to recovery back at day one.

Sometimes we just aren't strong enough to win every battle.  The devil comes just at the time of our moment of weakness and the next thing you know, you are sitting in a hole, feeling shameful and guilty.

The devil just won a battle. Now you have two options. You can 1) sit around and wallow in your shame and self pity or 2) you can look up to your Heavenly Father and ask for forgiveness and thank Him for His countless mercies that are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23 "The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.")

God knows we are not perfect.  He doesn't expect perfection from us.  Otherwise, He would not have sent His Son to die for us on Calvary. He DOES expect us to love Him and to try our hardest to do right by Him.  But He knows we are going to mess up and fail.  He knows it, and we should know it too.  He does not expect perfection from us, and we should not expect perfection from ourselves either.

Sometimes Satan wins the battle, but that does not mean we give up and let him win the war. Pick yourself back up and keep fighting the good fight.

Even if it may seem hopeless, remember the war has already been won.  Christ has already won this battle for us.  Satan cannot defeat you because you have Christ living in you, and He has already won the victory over sin and death for us!

So the next time Satan wins a battle in your fight, pick yourself back up, claim victory in Christ's name, and keep on fighting the good fight!

"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." ~ 1 Timothy 6:12

Love always,

Tiffany 

(12.13.12)

Complaining to Thanking

So last night I had just gotten back from my school's church worship service and I was getting into bed to do my devotion. My study group is reading in Colossians and we use the S.O.A.P study guide (Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer).  These were the verses from last night

"Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God." Colossians 3:20-22 NKJV

So the verses were pretty straightforward.  And when I got to the Application part of the process I wanted to try and take it a step past "Obey my parents" (though I am not saying that it isn't important, besides, obeying your parents is the first command with a promise). So I focused on the last verse about the bondservants (or slaves).

Clearly, I am not a slave, so I had to really think to make its apply to my life. I am (kind of) an employee, but I don't work as often now that I am in school. So I replaced "bondservant" with my role as a student.  I should aim to please all my masters, or in this case, professors, with all that I do (turning in my work on time, showing up on time, not texting in class, so on and so forth). But the very last part is where God pretty much slapped me in the face.

I am to do all those things with "sincerity of heart". Because of my fear and love of Him, I should be obeying them. I should also be doing it because God gave me this opportunity to get back into school and here I am complaining about it. Complaining about lack of sleep, complaining about waking up for 8am classes, complaining about work load, and the list goes on. God was pretty much like, why don't you try being thankful for other things and not focus on the negative so much.

Part of me wanted to be stubborn, He just so happened to do this on Nov 1, the month of "thankfulness" and He knows I have been so dreading this month because of a certain holiday (those super close to me would understand why, but that's another story for another post).
So I'm like "really God?  You gotta do this now?" but why not now. I got to put my pride and my emotions away and just listen to Him, and that is what I did.

And He wasted no time putting me to the test first thing this morning. I had an 8am class and instead of complaining about getting up, I was thankful that 1) I even woke up 2) that I have the opportunity to go to class when I could still be miserable and out of school 3) that I can actually walk to class and so on and so forth. And I have had to do that about three times this morning already (and it's not even noon yet).

I did not realize how much I complained until now I have been challenged to change my thoughts.  I am appalled at how often I have caught myself in just the few hours I have been awake. I at first told myself that I was going to make this a week long challenge, but I have a feeling it is going to take longer than a week to break this habit. So I will continue to do this until thankfulness just comes naturally and the complaining subsides.

I hope that you are not in the same boat I am with complaining, but if you are, I pray that you can take the same challenge so that whenever you find yourself complaining, look for things to be thankful for instead. You too may be surprised at how much better you will feel :)

God bless,
Tiffany <3